so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I supernannyed him into submission
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize