Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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