My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
two words...techno handjob
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
