I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You're completely useless in the revolution.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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