Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
