i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
