Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
