I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
