these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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