How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
