forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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