I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
