I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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