smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
