I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
