I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize