I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
