he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
