Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize