Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
