you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have tasted many bathrooms
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
