I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
