wrigley field is MILF paradise
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Couch. On fire.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
