It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
