Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The uberlube is also flammable
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize