i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i now understand why vodka
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
