Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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