Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
