I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
