with your own penis?
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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