The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
