Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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