It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
