I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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