oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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