I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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