I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
