One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
