I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
