I wish I could punch you in the face.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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