U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
