so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
