It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just high enough for therapy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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