dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
