Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
