Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
