I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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