Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
