And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
