I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
