I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
