and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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