I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
