i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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