Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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