I haven't been this sober since birth.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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