I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
