I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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