its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
