i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
