you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
