I wanna passion pit in your ass
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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