one might say we're banned from that church
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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