i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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