So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
