When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
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