You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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