I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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