You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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