Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize