it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Everything about him screamed your future.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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