Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
