My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
