Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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