Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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