i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
