the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize